The following is my newest love letter to myself. Take a moment to first see who I was & where I came from. From hatred to pure divine truth, raw beauty and a shit ton of love!
Only a true writer would understand. Or an adventurer. Or thrill seeker. Or maybe, just maybe, anyone will understand.
My heart sometimes speaks. It screams actually. And when it’s stifled it feels strangled. If I don’t write it’s as if I cannot express.
I write love letters, open my heart regularly and let everything come pouring out. My heart speaks.
Divine truth. Raw beauty. Very raw beauty and love.
When I was a teenager the word raw bothered me, as did tender. It’s because these works were too intense, too deep and far too open.
NOW I want someone (me) to rip them from me. I want to feel the truth, I want to feel exposed in my writing. To feel fire and love and lust. To create passion and openness, adventure and change.
I want to illuminate and educate. I want to empower and yet feel empowered.
I want to live open and awestruck. Feel naked and exposed under a critical and lyrical standpoint. I want to write until my pilot G2 colors bleed dry, and my fingers feel raw with energy and emotion.
I want to write until the 12 year old in me that is full of drama finally feels satisfied. Until the words bleed into just one more sentence or one more chapter like a Patterson novel.
I want my heart to travel from vein to fingertip and pen to paper.
I want my hearts exposure to be so much more than my confession. I want YOU to taste the passion, to feel the stroke of my pen as it penetrates your soul.
I want to expose you, to lead you into the uncomfortable.
I want to scream:
Because you are and those are words you should’ve uttered far too long ago.
I want you to giggle as you see the parallel and yet polar opposites of pen to paper THEN versus pen to paper NOW.
Black ink turned into beautiful aqua blue. Hate turned into beauty. The words I love you written over and over and over again and yet this time you mean it.
Tortured soul has been healed. Ripped, destroyed, loved, hurt, died, revived, opened, born again, seduced and snuggled into right where it’s supposed to be.
The love I should’ve felt if only I had dug deep enough.
And now to end (never…) I LOVE YOU.
Let’s start again……(10 years later)….
I love you and I am so grateful to see you again. This time I promise sparkles and love instead of blood and tears. This time, I promise kindness. I promise mettas and loving kindness meditations. I promise clean eating, kind words and a loving heart. I promise adventure and change. But most of all, I promise to never give up. Because even if I have a moment of “I doubt/hate you.” I will always return to love. I PROMISE. It’s a journey we are on together and I will not give up on you and this journey. I love you, I love you, I love you.