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Yoga: One Decade In

Yoga is my whole life.

I looked at the calendar and realized this year marks 10 years on the mat. Something that started as once a week, attending with my mom turned into a bi-weekly practice, and then shifted to almost daily. It transitioned into yoga teacher training and quickly moved from employee to owner. I’ve taught inside at community centers, churches, homeless shelters, domestic violence advocacies, banks and more yoga studios then I can count. I’ve taught outside on the beach, at the Marketplace green and under the moonlight. I have taught children and adults, preschools and chair yoga to my grandmother’s friends. I created two non-profits. I became certified as an e-RYT 500 hour yoga teacher under yoga alliance, a reiki master and a crystal healer. I’ve worked with countless people, businesses and companies. I became a Lululemon Ambassador and more recently their Here to Be Partner.

My “resume” is impressive. It’s crazy to think about what ten full years of teaching and practicing has brought into my life.

What I shift back to all the time however, is the practice of intention.

Yoga has guided me through engagement, graduations, planning a wedding, marriage, working full time, opening a business, pregnancy, birth, motherhood, divorce, trauma recovery, opening more businesses and so much more. Without my practice, without intention, I wouldn’t be who I am.

The practice of yoga literally carries me in my darkest and my most joyous moments. It’s the moment I remember to breathe in court, the deep breaths I take before responding rather than reacting and the knowledge I have ingrained in my body to hear my intuition and guide others towards theirs. It’s my personal superpower.

But I’ll be truly honest with you: I don’t practice as often as I should.

It’s the old adage of “I’m too busy/I move while I teach.” As teachers, sometimes we move our bodies and listen to our own advice while we are at the front of the mat. I often feel like I’m doing yoga 8x a week even if I’m really not. I’m in the teacher seat with a hat on for keeping people safe, guiding them, assisting them and holding space for their practice, not mine. I go through periods of time when I carve time out to practice more regularly and occasionally I find space to practice at home. But with a toddler and a few businesses on hand it isn’t always top priority.

Physically practicing (as opposed to being in my “yoga mindset”) makes me the best teacher, mother and person I can be. It allows me to fully breathe, the way you’re able to when you leave practice.

When I fell down the stairs a few weeks ago, I mostly believed my lesson to be “slow down now.” And it partly was. But it was also quite loudly “get back on the mat, right now.”

In the last few weeks I have been on the mat a minimum of 3 times a week. In class. With teachers who aren’t my employees. With teachers who aren’t my friends. With teachers who are my friends. With teachers who I’ve never met in my life. And with teachers who I admire and trust with every inch of my soul.

They’re asking me to dig deep, challenging my body, mind and soul in ways I have been craving.

It sounds silly to hear this as a ‘revelation’ from your local yoga teacher… but:

YOGA SAVES LIVES, GO BACK TO YOGA.

All capital letters and jokes aside, especially if you’re a yoga teacher: it’s time to go home. To come to the mat as a student and a beginner as often as we can. Not to gain knowledge or reconnect to creative sequencing, not to inspire or for any particular goal. Rather, go back to yoga to reconnect to your soul and remind you why you teach or practice in the first place.

After ten years, things look entirely different. My life is upside down and backwards in comparison to where I was at 23 and my God I couldn’t be more thrilled. I’m loving this age and this space; loving who I am now and who I’m becoming.

Thank you yoga. I promise I’ll always come home and am ever grateful for you welcoming me back with open arms. I love you and I’ll never stray again.

Namaste xx, Jenny

Living My Biggest Dreams + Deepest Fear

This past weekend all my dreams come true as we celebrated the 1st Annual Awareness Gala for Yoga for Families of Addiction. Yet I woke up Saturday morning and felt a tightness in my chest. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop; kept waiting for the moment when someone would say it wasn’t good enough or that they didn’t have fun. I kept awaiting the judgement.

The morning following the Gala, I went straight into teaching a 12 hour teacher training for Yoga for Families of Addiction. In our training we dive deep into holding space for others, yoga for trauma recovery, codependency recovery & insight into how the nervous system plays a role in addiction. After a few hours of talking to my trainees, I began to realize I was waiting for the judgement to come because that is what I came to crave.

In a twist of unhealthy habits, I realized that my own addiction is an addiction to drama, codependency & men who need to be “saved.” Everyone I have ever dated (save one person) has judged me, put me down and not fully SEEN me for who I am. In some ways I saw this as them being awful to me (and it always manifested that way), but I’ve come to realize that I was attracting them because I craved the nature of the pattern. They love me, they need me to heal them, they aren’t ready; they leave me or I leave them and it leaves a wake of drama in its path.

I’m accustomed to the victim mentality. I’m terrified of my feminine energy. I just started watching Hallmark Movies again this year and can’t get through even a few minutes without tears. I’m inviting the softness back in and asking for love but my body doesn’t know how to trust what my spirit knows. I’m afraid to trust. I want the judgement because a part of me still doesn’t believe I’m good enough and if someone says I’m worthless, it reinforces my belief and makes me feel justified and “right.”

I cried on the way home from training as I came to realize and own what my own personal addictions are. Full on meltdown because I could hear my ex-husband telling me that my organization didn’t raise as much as he would have been able to. I cried because I was really angry at myself for not being confident after such a successful event. I cried because I couldn’t truly believe the litany of text messages, emails and voicemails telling me how wonderful the event was. I cried because I’m finally being forced to face my healing dead on and it’s terrifying.

I cried because all my dreams came true and I accomplished every goal alone. I had no partner to celebrate with or snuggle next to when the event was over. I went to bed alone.

My biggest fear in life is to be alone.

My biggest dream is to teach yoga, travel to spread the word for Yoga for Families of Addiction and raise my son to be fiercely loving, kind and independently minded.

I’m living my dream and my nightmare simultaneously.

How can I be so blessed and feel this darkness? Why does the healing have to come now? I wish I could just ignore it and keep pushing myself. But I can’t.

Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs.

You read that right. I fell down an entire flight of stairs.

Tuesday morning as I was busily readying myself for work and Zyan for daycare, I put on brand new, deliciously warm and cozy socks. I picked him up and proceeded to fall down our flight of stairs. In the mix of the morning I was beyond grateful Zyan didn’t have a scratch on him, to my mom for her quick thinking, my dad for taking care of Apollo who was scared out of his mind and my teachers for stepping up to the plate and helping me teach Tuesday classes and prepare our studio for the annual Thanksgiving Day class. I have an army and my God I couldn’t be more grateful for them.

Remember back in September when I told you about the whispers in your body that tell you things? Little reminders that say: SLOW DOWN NOW.

I ignored every single one. I kept saying to myself that I would heal my heart later. I would take a break later. I could push myself until the Gala, or Thanksgiving or my birthday or Christmas.

God laughs at our plans.

I was in a sling for 3 days, not allowed to drive or do yoga until this morning and my body is still achy. It’s forced me to do nothing (something I happen to be terrible at). And yet the ache in my heart feels as though it’s softening. I played. I sang. I rested. I napped. I watched those infamous Hallmark Movies with my mama. I allowed others to drive me around. I saw Michelle Obama with my friend Rachel (holy inspiration, beauty & grace). I was able to simply BE. And it was exactly what I needed.

When you own your healing, the ache begins to soften.

It isn’t easy. Sometimes there is a giant (ugly) purple and yellow bruise. Sometimes there’s a darkness in your heart you didn’t realize was there. But as the band-aid begins to rip off, you’ll find out you can truly breathe again.

I’m on this journey with you. Step by step. Moment by moment. Living my biggest dreams and deepest fears right alongside you.

Let’s rip the band-aids together. Let’s heal together. Let’s fully, truly breathe again

xx, namaste – Jenny

P.s. Do you want a chance to find your breath this winter? Do you need a physical reminder of healing? Our Yoga for Families of Addiction rings are finally on sale. They are 10K gold rings with two chevron triangles that represent our logo. They stand for strength, balance and the reminder that you’re always supported. Check out our message on Facebook to order yours today.

 

Yoga for Families of Addiction 10k gold Rings
Yoga for Families of Addiction 10k Gold Rings

 

How to Help Students with Triggers

Trauma is a tricky thing to identify. It isn’t easy for me to say “these are my triggers” as they pop up randomly and often without warning. Sometimes it’s an ad on television, a piece of paper that slips out of an old notebook or being in an overcrowded store alone.

In the last number of years, I have had the opportunity to meet with some of the most incredibly brave students. I created a non-profit in Cape Cod that was a beautiful (albeit failed) effort. My mission wasn’t specific enough to uphold our mission, but it lead me to meet some amazing people. We taught yoga to “people who didn’t have access or couldn’t afford it.” I taught in a homeless shelter that focused on empowering people to stand on their own two feet, the local libraries and a women’s shelter in the Upper Cape.

I didn’t know it then, but I would land myself in a women’s shelter in Boston for their support group almost exactly five years later. Abuse, trauma and triggers are quite cunning indeed. 

Talk about divine timing and plans.

In the last few years, I have had students with every dis-ease, trauma and trigger you could imagine. I have students with PTSD, sexual trauma and more. Holding space for them to breathe feels as though I’ve stepped into the exact place I need to be. Every. Single. Time.

In order to heal my own trauma, I focused on healing others along the same path. I continuously worked on my own healing, but helping them truly helped me.

And here’s what I learned :

You come first.

Honestly, in terms of healing your own trauma and holding space for others, the most important thing to learn and remember is that you come first, always. Continuously work on your own healing, feel your feelings, breathe and remember it’s okay to let go little by little.

Triggers are not our fault, but we can always be aware.

Technically, nothing we say or do can be held accountable for triggering a students trauma. HOWEVER – using specific words in class that may trigger someone in sexual or emotional trauma recovery could have an immediate reaction.

A few things that can help you avoid creating triggers : refer to your chest as your heart (instead of breasts or chest), avoid happy baby, when doing heart openers make sure you forward fold to remind them to hold love, safety and boundaries.

There are a million ways we can hold space for someone while teaching. At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own healing, but we can be a guide. Please take a trauma recovery course if you’re interested in digging deeper as I am a survivor of emotional trauma and not an expert in teaching trauma yoga.

You come first.

Breathing. Meditation. Yoga. Laughter with friends. Massage. Self-care. Filling your cup. 

Ground. Ground. Ground.

Grounding is the first step to safety. Use a grounding, root chakra meditation such as I am safe, I am healthy, I am present. Use grounding crystals {black tourmaline, smoky quartz or black onyx}. Use sage or palo santo to clear the energy. Feel your feet barefoot on the earth. Reconnect to the ground in whatever way feels the most accessible.

You come first.

Take a rose quartz or grounding crystal and place it in your clothes when you’re teaching and/or recovering from your own trauma. It may be nice to help others on the path, but be sure to heal your own heart while you’re giving love to others. 

There is always more than one approach and more than one tool.

Yoga. Meditation. Tarot cards. Writing. Crystals. Reiki. Sound healing. Therapy. Medication. Essential Oils. Yoga. Meditation. Bigger crystals. Laughter. Journaling. Thai massage. Reflexology. Yoga. Meditation. Emotional Freedom Technique (ETF). Rituals. Name your own tools. Be sure to dig deep and use whichever tool works for you in that moment.

Create safe space for your students. 

Create a safe culture and physical space for them to heal. Use sage or palo santo to release negative emotions before and after they share. When I teach in libraries, I always bring crystals and oils with me in order to create the physical image of a sacred space. Do not share their stories. Hold space for them. Be sure your students feel safe and comfortable. 

We are not doctors, we are listeners.

We are not doctors. We do not have the power or capability to diagnose or give advice we don’t have the qualifications to give. We are here to be listeners, to be healers and helpers on the path to recovering from trauma. We are here to hold their hand, hug them, tell them which crystal to place under their pillow, enjoy a laugh or a good cry. We are here to let them tell their stories if they have nowhere to share. We are here to hold them in childs’ pose while they wipe their nose from the instant tears that came down. We are here to allow release. We are here to listen.

You come first.

Schedule your massage. Don’t skip therapy. Keep crystals in your bra or your briefcase. Heal. Love. Laugh. You come first.

Triggers are insidious. Abuse is stealthy. The memories pop up and sneak in when you least expect it. If we can hold space for our students and continue to work on our own healing, we are doing a service to the world. Continue to love and live loudly and fiercely.

Lots of love to you yogis

Namaste, xx – Jenny

Well Summit Review

Well Summit shifted my energy, my body and my heart in ways I could have never predicted or imagined. My GOD am I grateful I went to Brooklyn.

Let’s start with a bit of a back story. My girlfriend Amanda of Prim and Propah is a powerhouse beauty and blogger in Boston. We met a number of years ago when Boston Bloggers was regularly hosting get together networking evenings and my hairdresser was supposed to be my date. Entirely last minute he wasn’t able to make it and I was thrown into a group of people I had never met before without a wingman on my arm. It ended up being perfect. I met Amanda, Elizabeth, Molly & Aliana that night and felt as though I finally had a few women I could connect with in the area.

Fast forward to now. Molly is an incredible friend of mine. We try to get together for play/work dates so we can work on our computers at Cafe Nero and then get manicures in the afternoon. Sometimes we even work at the beach! We’re also convinced Zyan and her niece Bailey should have an arranged marriage, because : toddler love. Amanda is a beautiful soul and allowed me to guest post on her (amazing) blog a few months ago when I had finally started to reconnect to my writing. Having the boost from her and her audience gave me the confidence to continue writing and reaching out to others with my work.

Amanda posts some of the coolest events and has been involved in Well Summit for quite some time. A few months ago she posted that she had a raffle giveaway for Well Summit and I entered. She knew I would love to join the fun, but I didn’t win a ticket. In the coming week she tagged me in more posts than I knew what to do with and I started to follow all of the Well Summit Insiders. I entered every giveaway and connected with like minded women, knowing that even if I didn’t win a ticket, I felt included in this community already.

And then : I won a ticket!!

Well Summit Review

I moved mountains to get to Brooklyn. As always happens when an addict is in your life; there was some drama happening before I left for the city. Magic happened. Mountains shifted. I made it to the city.

First let me say this: Brooklyn is NOTHING like Manhattan. I have been going in and out of Manhattan for years and somehow just assumed that by driving to NYC, I would be greeted with the same atmosphere.

Brooklyn is some kind of magic. Every fiber of my being wanted to pack my bags and my babies to move into this city. Hippie meets hipster. Murals spanning the high rise buildings. Greenery in places I couldn’t have expected. CBD oil in my morning coffee at the cafe across from the venue for Well Summit. Vegan restaurants. Everything open past midnight. Inspiring (and hot) yoga classes. Ocean. Ocean. Ocean. I could have moved instantly.

Well Summit itself amplified the magic that was Brooklyn.

This summit was more than a conference, more than networking and beyond spiritual. I had the opportunity to hear Ally Love, Latham Thomas, Liz Plosser, Scott Harrison and many more speak and present on issues that were near and dear to their hearts. I heard insight on what we should be putting in our bodies, how we should clean our homes, how to be better speakers, how to create a world of wellness as an entrepreneur so we don’t find burnout, how to integrate self-love beyond the bubble baths and so much more.

There were a few highlights.

  1. One of the workshops spoke to the idea of investing as women. I have never been told I could invest. I assumed for the majority of my life that investing was only for men or people who had tons of money. In this breakout session I found out there is an app that you can download on your phone that will allow you to invest in different companies for as little as $10. I immediately downloaded it and began doing research and looking into what investing looks like. I also subscribed to the daily newsletter Morning Brew, which gives you insight into the stock market and the news in terms of business. This workshop was eye opening because it showed me that I am capable of investing and creating a life for myself in a world I previously believed wasn’t mine to access.
  2. Another breakout session was on how to be a better speaker. As speaking is now on my list of entrepreneurial activities, I wanted to know more about rates, the infamous “one sheet” and how to connect with others on the topics I would like to begin speaking more on. It was informative, well presented and full of insight. I realized that my one sermon at my local church was not only fun, but also one of the “venue’s” I can speak at. Immediately I reached out to my own minister to ask him if I should connect with our cousin church in town for Yoga for Families of Addiction and he was thrilled with the idea! I’m speaking at Aldersgate Methodist Church in April. I am also speaking at Flint Memorial Library in Middleton on November 7th. The insight gained from the workshop with Amber Wright was exactly what I needed in order to motivate me to continue connecting to others.
  3. The best, biggest and brightest highlight of my time at Well Summit was Scott Harrison. He began speaking and I cried from the moment he opened his mouth until I met him (and hugged him) 90 minutes later. If the name Scott Harrison doesn’t ring a bell, he started Charity Water. A former club promoter turned non-profit founder, he took his faith and passion for helping the world with water pollution to create Charity Water. As a brand new non-profit founder and director, my heart was both exploding with joy and overwhelmed with ideas. The most insightful thing he said during his talk, however was this : “Toothpaste is being peddled with more sophistication than all the worlds life saving causes.” Cue me texting my manager during the speech with giant capital letters WE NEED TO RE-DO OUR WEBSITE ALREADY. His passion for creating change, the ripple effect of caring and insight into how to run a non-profit as a transparent charity was everything I needed to hear. I have been on fire since and we SOLD OUT our Gala no less than a week after I heard him speak. It was not a coincidence.

Well Summit Review

Things I recommend :

  1. Get yourself to a conference, summit, networking event or local BNI. Connect to others who do what you do. Go on coffee dates with new business women in the area. Reach out to someone at your cafe and say hello instead of just staring into your computer. Keep your eyes open for inspiration and insight at every corner, and if it isn’t happening in your own town – go out and find it.
  2. Go buy Thirst. Like right now. And then send in your receipt to unlock@charitywater.org .
  3. Find space for self-care. Every day. A nap, a walk in the park, yoga class, getting your nails done, reading a book when the little ones go to bed or maybe even sitting down to watch Queer Eye on Netflix. Whatever way you unwind is perfect for you.
  4. Be open to the possibility that you are allowed to do more than you ever imagined. I have a large threshold for “leap and the net will appear” and jumping off cliffs into the unknown. But my unknown was the world of yoga and wellness. I knew nothing of wealth or finances. When I said yes to the app and the daily email, I was opening myself to a brand new world and another new cliff. I highly recommend it.
  5. Bring friends. Meet new friends. Stay with people you don’t know super well. I drove to Brooklyn alone on Thursday evening and arrived at midnight to an empty room. A half hour later my new friend Mirah and her mom arrived as I chewed their ear off for an hour (a four hour long car ride alone gives you an opportunity to spill all your thoughts). I proceeded to spend the next three days with these two bright and beautiful women, while then meeting up with Amanda & Molly (two different & equally amazing Amanda + Molly’s!!). I HIGHLY recommend making new friends and staying with people you don’t know well. It makes the experience extra special!

Well Summit will be in Boston again soon. Keep your eyes open on their social media sites and be open to saying YES to any opportunity that comes your way.

xx + Namaste

Jenny

SOLD OUT: Our 1st Annual Yoga for Families of Addiction Gala

Yoga for Families of Addiction Gala sold out last night! It is our first fundraiser. Selling out was a feat I am told is not easy.

We sold out in exactly four weeks.

We sold out because people believe in this mission. They know that addiction can affect so many in their world and the people around them. They want to begin to do whatever it takes in order to help themselves and their loved ones heal. They want to see the world of recovery grow and the wings of love begin to surround those that so desperately need it in times of crisis. Deep down, they know that this organization is at the very beginning of a huge breakthrough for addiction and those who love addicts.

But let’s take a moment to step back and see how we got here.

This photo was taken almost 2 years to the date.

When you love an addict, your world is often full of many promises that never actually came to fruition.

Everything in our world was falling apart, I was promised that for our fifth anniversary we would go on a tropical vacation. Continual promises kept coming even though we had just moved into our new home and it likely wasn’t financially responsible. Being naive, codependent and very much in love with my ex-husband, I believed that we were going on a vacation.

A few weeks before we were supposed to go, when I began to ask him about the trip, he told me that I was being selfish and it was my fault that I had gotten my own hopes up. It was our fifth wedding anniversary and we had been so through much. All I wanted was a moment to go away and celebrate. I didn’t care if we went to New Hampshire or New York City or to Jamaica as he had originally promised. All I wanted was a night or two with the person that I loved; fully present.

We settled on going into Manhattan for a night and seeing a Broadway show. This photo was taken moments before we had another big blowout. I had given money to someone in Central Park that was clearly a con. Instead of stopping me or helping me with my innocence in that moment, he berated me as we walked through the park and told me that I wasn’t smart enough to make any educated decisions. At the time, he was in withdrawal as he had promised (and stuck to) not having a drink the evening before.

I saw this mural in the park and knew that I just needed to take this photo. I took it as a promise and a reminder to myself that there is so much love and peace and joy in the world.

I promised myself that if he could pull it together for just a few more nights, if he could continue to prove to me that he could stay sober, then I could stay for one more night.

I left two days after our anniversary.

In the two years since then; I have learned the ins and outs the court system, raised my son as my own, and continued to build up Barefoot Yoga Shala, and created Yoga for Families of Addiction. (YFFA)

The moment I left I went into survival mode. I packed three bags and shoved as much of my possessions as I could into my dads storage unit. I moved in with my parents and began to create a plan. God laughs at plans, but at least I had a semblance of moving forward.

I was safe.

Fast forward to March. My girlfriend Leisl had gifted me a trip to Kripalu where I met Satya of Satya Jewelry. In her class on mediation, mantra and malas, I channeled the entire program for YFFA. I mapped out the teacher training and classes on a small green notebook in the silent room as I gazed out into the Berkshires. I cried as I could feel with every fiber of my being that this dream would come true.

Fast forward to June. I gave my first speech at Ayurveda Wellness Inc. My (now) board member Kim knew I had a message and she wanted to be the first to let me share. While I was telling my story, I realized we didn’t have our classes up online.

Fast forward to June. We hosted our first YFFA class at Barefoot.

Fast forward to October. I held my first teacher training and have since graduated eight teachers, with another training this coming November.

Exactly a year later. Lululemon gifted us the Here to Be grant.

In the last two months we have worked tirelessly to create our first fundraiser. Our board and I decided we needed a Gala. First to raise money. Second to PARTY!

In the yoga community, we literally live in black stretchy pants. That’s our job. We can easily run errands and live our life in yoga pants. It’s easy to forget to dress up and people are often shocked when I show up in jeans.

The idea for the Gala was born. A place where yogis can play and bring their spouses and partners and friends. A place where non-yogis can dance and support a mission they truly believe in. A place where we could include the entire community.

Tickets went on sale September 10th and we sold out October 12th!

Joyful. Grateful. Humbled. Honored. Shaking. Heart bursting. Eyes teary. On my knees praying my favorite prayer : THANK YOU!

For the first time in my life I feel speechless.

Thank you all so much for everything you’ve shared in the past two years. Thank you for coming to the event, for donating and for sharing our announcements.

I cannot find words for the gratitude I need to express, but I am bowing my head today. Thank you.

Namaste, xx – Jenny

P.s. Do YOU want to be involved in the event?? Or help our small organization grow?? You can donate to our 501(c)3 here!

Self-Care is Crucial

YESTERDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS

I talk about my trauma as if it’s in the past. Oftentimes it is.

The immediate threat of danger is over.

The intensity of living with an addict no longer exists.

But it rears its ugly head and grinds down on me from time to time. And when it does, it is the reminder that I am not in control. The reminder that some days are still going to be really hard, no matter how far removed I may be.

Yesterday was one of those days when I was brought to me knees. I surrendered. When you’re a victim (even if it’s not how you’d like to self describe yourself); you are subject to more court hearings, advocacy’s, police officers and probation officers than you care to know on such an intimate level. On the plus side, if I were ever to cross paths with physical or emotional danger, I know I am well supported by a {faulty} justice system that tries to do their best while also trying to uphold ancient laws put in place decades earlier.

I am safe. But sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.

Thankfully I was held and supported all day. I was checked on by friends, called repeatedly by my mama + saw my students and my son in the evening. Everyone around me was lifting my heart. In the case of my friends and family, it was calculated. In the ways of seeing the people I love (my students and my baby), all it took for me to feel joy was to walk inside and see them smiling back at me.

After my long day of rolling my shoulders back and then holding space for my incredible students, I had a chance to snuggle and talk about his day. Big smiles, puppy kisses and “mommy, I want to be Iron Man” for Halloween was all I needed to bring me back to myself. I cuddled for a few moments and got one last sleepy kiss before I dug into my own self-care.

When we have long days, it is crucial to create space for self-care.

I showered for as long as I could and then I ate a little bit of chocolate to ground me. Activating the root (muladhara) chakra when your body is in trauma or adrenal fatigue is one of the most nurturing things you can do in terms of self-care. Muladhara can be activated in a number of ways; through meditation, walks in the woods or moving meditation.

Water is cleansing and even a quick five minute shower will allow the energy of a day to wash off of you. Chocolate is one of the quickest ways to bring your energy back to the earth. Other quick, go-to examples : walk barefoot, spend time in nature, buy flowers, take a bath with epsom salts, eat beef or root vegetables or drink a hot non-caffeinated beverage.

To add a little extra healing; I covered myself in essential oils. I used Sclaressence for divine feminine energy & lavender for calming. I smothered my tattoos and all the achy parts of my body in coconut body butter. I drank more water than I thought I could consume. By activating the sacral (svadisthana) chakra, we are allowing a softening into the divine feminine energy. Anything involving water, essential oils, fluid yoga movements or self-reiki with your hands over your abdomen will allow the svadisthana chakra to activate.

I succumbed to early bed and surrender. As I drifted off to sleep, I placed my hands over my belly and my heart as I repeated the mantra “you are safe, you are loved, you are supported.” By allowing healing to come back through the strength of surrender, I was able to drift off to sleep relatively quickly.

This morning when I woke up and almost everything has lifted.

I am safe.

I am happy.

I am free.

And my God am I grateful for this life. Including these occasional reminders that bring me to my knees.

Sending you an abundance of love + light, wherever you are on your journey.

Remember : YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SUPPORTED.

Namaste, xx

Jenny

Need a little extra lift of the spirit this week?

Join me at Cape Cod Yoga Festival as I teach “Empower Your Spirit” on Sunday, September 23rd. Or join me for our Autumn Equinox on Monday, September 24th at Barefoot Yoga Shala as we burn what no longer serves us and invite in new intentions for the season ahead!

Modern Hippie Muse: Listen to the Whispers

One of my students recently said “I can’t hear my body the way you do. I don’t know when I’m about to get my period, have no idea if I’m getting sick and definitely don’t know if there is any trauma inside of me.”

Stop the press.

Ladies. Gentlemen. We need to talk.

The number one reason a person cannot listen to their body is because they are not willing to slow down long enough to hear the whispers.

As a solo mom, the most precious thing to me in the world is my time. Time spent with Zyan, time alone, time for work, space for friends and family, allowance for ritual and ease. As an entrepreneur, each day looks different than the next as I try to squeeze as much joy, work and good intentions into the “daylight” as I can. If my work schedule looks like I may not have enough time with Zyan, I adjust. If my Zyan time is beautifully long hours and my body starts saying “remember me?!” I make sure I put a yoga class on the schedule and PLAY.

In knowing how precious my time is, I value every moment I have here on this earth; especially the challenging moments as they teach me lessons and awaken my soul.

Because I value my time, I am fully aware of each whisper happening within my body.

This week, my left shoulder was on fire. I said to my mom and two friends; “That is so weird, generally my left shoulder only hurts when something is happening under the surface and everything seems amazing right now.” I had launched our Gala announcement, taught teacher training all weekend long and was on an energetic high like no one’s business. 24 hours later I got a call that shifted my energy and although it threw off my day, I knew enough to take off my last class and get a massage in order to make space for healing as quickly as possible. The body knows. If you slow down enough to hear the whispers, the body will tell you what you need to know.

When the interaction with my student happened, I quickly said: “Don’t worry. It took me years to cultivate, you’ll find it.” It was a quick response to a much deeper answer that I hope to unfold and here.

It took years to cultivate an awareness to my body, mind and soul.

When I first began yoga I was dieting constantly and always a similar weight. I ate salads with fat free dressing and diet coke. I drank soy milk because I didn’t like milk and knew it had calcium; plus my roommate told me it was good for me. I also had my first bite of broccoli because in my house, vegetables were iceberg lettuce, carrots and italian dressing that consisted of our daily salad. I had literally zero concept of what I was putting into my body.

When I first began yoga I wanted to achieve every posture as perfectly as possible. I would sit at the front of the class and try to fold my body into the same shapes as Ashley Deleo’s mom and pray that I was getting half pigeon perfectly. I would lower my hip to the ground and think oh my gosh, I’m enlightened. I ROCK at yoga.

When I first began yoga I was getting pneumonia or bronchitis every winter, writing in my fat journal daily and OM’s made me giggle.

Now I’m rarely sick, fuel my body with nutritious foods, hydrate like a camel and promise my body weekly self-care in order to heal any hidden trauma. I hide crystals in my bra, sage our home secretly when my mom isn’t home and can tell you when I’m starting to get sick a week before any symptoms arrive.

How did I get here?

I began to listen.

I began to slow down.

When we make time to slow down and listen to our bodies, we can connect truly to what it is we need on every level.

When is the last time you had a bubble bath? When was your last massage? When you walked your dog last night, did you gaze up at the stars or gaze into your cell phone? On vacation, did you put the work down and walk away fully from your boss and the stream of emails? And when your mother in law came to visit for a week this summer, did you let your hair and shoulders down in order to enjoy her company or allow her to take the kids to dinner so you and your husband could have a night alone?

It’s time to slow down. It’s time to listen. It’s time to create space to heal.

To start, take an hour a week. You could take this as a full hour and enjoy a massage or grab a cup of coffee with your spouse before school pick up. You could take them in mini 15 minute meditations. You could create three small rituals for surrender or self-care.

Slowly increase from there.

I didn’t wake up one morning enlightened. I didn’t wake up and decide to add spiralina to my smoothies overnight. I did it all gradually. A bite of broccoli here. A single leave of spinach in my smoothie. A sip of a friends kombucha. A moment to nap, because my body seemed like it needed sleep.

Remember, soul warriors : ONE. STEP. AT. A. TIME.

Need a first step? Come to my Autumn Equinox Flow on September 24th & burn your intentions as we transition into fall and flow together. Or join me on Cape Cod for the Love Yoga Fest as I teach Empower Your Spirit on September 23rd.

xx + namaste,

Jenny

 

How Yoga Helps with My Triggers

Trigger (v): (especially of something read, seen, or heard) distress (someone), typically as a result of arousing feelings or memories associated with a particular traumatic experience.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting with my mom at a cafe and we ran into an old friend of mine. We chatted for a few moments, lamenting on a shared memory and she continued to walk out of the cafe with coffee in hand while we looked on. My mom casually said “didn’t something also happen with her on social media?”

My mind was on warped speed; memories flooding back to me faster than I could find an inhale and it felt as though my body wouldn’t survive the trauma I could feel creeping into my shoulders, my lungs and my heart.

“Yes, mom.” I replied as I calmly re-explained the painful memory to her.

Triggers happen quickly. I never know specifically what will bring me back to a moment but at this point, I’ve become much better at identifying them and working with the moment in order to stay grounded.

This afternoon, a girlfriend dropped a truth bomb that brought me right back to a moment five years ago: sitting behind the bench, watching the judge nod his head as he casually dismissed yet another violation. It was a moment I would have given anything to shrink away from.

Since creating Yoga for Families of Addiction, I have been brought to my knees more times that I can count. I’ve left Christmas parties in tears, hyperventilated in bathrooms alone as I recollected my breath and held space for more beautiful souls than I could have imagined when we first began. I will take the tears and the triggers. I will live with them forever if it means you have a safe space to land.

The Christmas party tears? Those were because a good friend of mine told me her father was an alcoholic and I was the first person (aside from her husband) that she had told in ten years. I wasn’t crying because of my own sadness, or a trigger. I was crying because she had to hold on to that secret. I was crying because I was the first beacon of light and I wish she had space to let go far earlier than that evening.

The hyperventilation? That was because I was triggered. A friend wasn’t able to attend one of our casual parties and her husband (a good friend of mine as well), walked into a party with both kids … alone. He was managing an infant and a toddler with different food preferences and smiling and laughing, enjoying every moment of fatherhood. Seeing their joy brought me to my knees with a mixture of green eyed envy, sadness for Zyan + I, pride for his new role in life, joy watching him be exactly where and who he was supposed to be and hope for my own future.

Triggers happen quickly.

And in each, I find space for grace.

Pratyahara is one of my favorite limbs in yoga at the moment. It translates in Sanskrit to mean withdrawal of the senses. Prati means “against or away” and Ahara means “anything we take into ourselves from the outside.” Ahara could translate to mean food, energy, people, situations and more. Pratyahara has been a secret weapon of mine in the last year and in many ways, I only just realized how much I was relying on this particular yoga ideal.

When everything around me becomes too overwhelming, I begin to walk. I move my body in nature, often taking Apollo & Zyan with me as I put feet to pavement.

When I forget to breathe, I go to yoga.

When I need to escape, I read a book.

When I need to reconnect to my heart, I write.

Pratyahara is my chance to withdraw from the elements that overwhelm me and is one of my biggest tools that I now use consciously. When I am triggered, I know I need to find SPACE in order for me to reconnect to my breath and reground my body.

Pratyahara itself is termed as yoga, as it is the most important limb in yoga sadhana. – Swami Sivananda

When you’re triggered this week, I want to offer a few tips for consciously slipping into pratyahara in order to reconnect you to your breath.

  1. Turn off the radio. Listen to your breath. MAYBE put on a guided meditation. But turn off the tunes and the news.
  2. Go outside. Be in nature. If you can, go alone. Listen to the sounds, breathe in the fresh air.
  3. Meditate.
  4. Go to yoga. Or tennis or golf. Garden. Do an activity that requires all of YOU to be present.
  5. Put your cell phone on do not disturb.
  6. Put your cell phone in your purse when you go to dinner with a friend. Fully BE there.
  7. Practice mindful eating. Enjoy each bite, feel the texture, breathe in the food.
  8. Breathe. Breathe in lavender oil, diffuse scents you love. Breathe in nature. Breathe for 10-30 seconds before you respond to a trigger. Just be.

Pratyahara is a great way to calm the triggers. Find silence. Find breath. Withdraw for a few moments. Anything will work again if you unplug it for a little while, including yourself.

Sending you abundant love as always.

xx – namaste, Jenny

P.s. Do you love an addict? Check out our website in the embedded link above. We have classes and trainings coming soon and would love to see you if you need support.

Abuse is Tricky

When this photo was taken, I was 6 weeks pregnant with my little love. In that moment, I couldn’t have been happier. I was in love with him already, fresh off our trip from India and in a place I thought I would be my whole life. Exactly one year later, I left my ex-husband {for the first time}.

Abuse is tricky. It takes your breath away and then gives you more life than you’ve ever imagined. I was covered in diamonds (that I was repeatedly reminded of their cost), taken to the most exclusive and delicious restaurants, had clothes that helped “style” me to look perfect. I was covered in material love.

As I learned years later, through my support group at Respond Inc, abuse has a specific cycle. The three phase cycle of abuse, was first explained as a developed theory in 1979 by Lenore E. Walker and explains the patterns of behavior in an abusive relationship. These three phases are (1) Tension Building, (2) Acute/Crisis Phase and the (3) Honeymoon Phase. As with any “normal” relationship, this cycle looks different for every couple within abusive behavior. For some, the abuse is physical with the Crisis Phase being physical in nature, for others it is an emotional realm. Many abusive relationships begin with emotional and lead to physical violence over time. The Honeymoon Phase varies from couple to couple as well. Perhaps your partner is smothering you in affection, physical touch, words of affirmation or any of the five love languages. For myself, the Honeymoon Phase was always material. I had a beautiful wardrobe, gorgeous purses (that my cat eventually ruined) and many, many dinners out.

For some time, I had been trying to communicate with my parents about how and why I was emotionally abused. I am smart, capable, strong and otherwise a kind of remarkable person. And yet I was repressed and fed lies that I actively believed for years. How in the world could I have been taken advantage of in this way?

Fast forward to about a year after I left. Grey’s Anatomy (yes, my favorite show… and yes, it’s still on the air), aired an episode on emotional abuse. When it was over I was shaking and crying in the corner. I pointed to the television and said “Mom, THIS is what I have been trying to explain to you for a year now. The conversation between the two battered women went like this :

Jenny: God! I’m smart. I’m a scientist. I’m a feminist! I never thought that I would end up in something like this. It happened so slow. I stopped talking to my co-workers, friends he didn’t like, then my family didn’t understand, they got worried so I brushed them off and then stopped talking to them too and then my circle got smaller and smaller and smaller until all I had left was him. And then I stopped believing myself. Things I had seen and heard, things I knew! Because he told me I was crazy and I just believed him. He knows me so well, he can zero in on an insecurity and make a whole argument turn on a dime. And now it’s my fault, it’s my fault again, I’m always the one that’s wrong. When he started hitting me, it was barely just a surprise. And he told me it was my fault and I actually believed him. Until you talked to me yesterday, I really believed him. How did I believe him?

Jo: Because he was good to you in the beginning! And on the good days! Jenny, we’re not stupid. We don’t fall for someone who beat us. We fell for someone who made us laugh and made us feel wanted and loved and seen. Paul is brilliant and charming and persuasive and the good outweighed the bad. Until it didn’t.

Until it didn’t.

Abuse is tricky. It is full of denial, shame, repression, confusion and so much joy. When I look back on my marriage, I wonder “was that because he truly loved me or because he made another mistake?” I often look at photos and instead of seeing a smile on my face, I can tell you the exact fight that lead us to that expensive restaurant. I can tell you which court we were in on a given day before he bought me yet another handbag I didn’t want or need. And the night we went to Cirque Du Soleil? It was because I visited him at work the day prior with our newborn and he came home belligerent telling me never to visit him again.

The joy is the hardest part.

I look back on parts of our journey and am deeply confused or torn. Did he love me? Was any of it real? Is there any sliver in our story where he wasn’t giving me lies of omission? Did I force him to marry me as he always claimed? Did he ever truly love me?

Because I loved him, deeply. He was my entire world. I would have leapt off a cliff, stopped a bullet and done anything to save him and our marriage.

Until I couldn’t.

Until I decided to save my son.

Until I decided to save myself.

Marriage is a contract made between you, your partner and God. I fully believe when I entered into my marriage that I was there with the intention to love, serve, honor and yes even obey. I was under the impression that by supporting his dreams, helping him with legal paperwork, sitting by his side day in and day out, working with him to build a life for us, that I was being the best partner I could be. I honestly believed we would be together forever.

So when I found the first lie 6 weeks before our marriage, I thought: that’s okay, it’s a small lie. When I found the next one 3 months into our marriage, I told myself: this is forever, we will work it out. When I found another small white lie 5 months into our marriage I said: okay, lots of lies, but we will work through it. The lies got bigger and my confidence shrank. I forgave the unforgivable. I went to church. I worked on myself. I tried to continuously prove I could be the best wife in the world. I tried to explain lies of omission (because maybe he really didn’t understand). But when the drinking began in full, when I feared for my son: I couldn’t lie to myself anymore.

Abuse is tricky.

Oftentimes there is not one thing that happens that makes you think about walking away. I hear so many women who haven’t experienced my marriage say “I would leave if he did ______” but they don’t know. Your marriage is sacred. Everyone makes their own choices and sometimes a small slip is enough to stay or leave. Sometimes the abuse is hidden with sunglasses and make-up, other times it’s hidden by saying “I’m okay” even as you watch your friends spouse openly hit on other women while his pregnant wife sits beside him bright red.

I cannot tell you where to go, where to be, or what to do. I can only offer my own story from my perspective.

If you feel as though any of this resonates with you, I encourage you to look at your relationship from a new lens. Connect to your partner. Ask them how to feel. Work together as partners to go through activities such as The Five Love Languages or read the book Open Wide. Check on your girlfriends. Ask them how they are, really. Take time to connect to the people and activities you love. Listen to your intuition.

If you need resources, Respond, Inc. in the Boston area is amazing. Yoga saved my life in so many aspects of the word. Reiki and crystal healing, grief massage and acupuncture are reconnecting me to the lost pieces of my heart. Support groups and tribes of women are everything. Yoga for Famillies of Addiction, Inc. is the perfect place to land if you love an addict. And I’m always here to chat or provide healing services (comment below or send over a message).

Sending you abundant love as always.

xx, namaste – Jenny

Modern Hippie Muse: Rituals for Manifesting

In my world, words like ritual, new moon and intention setting are commonplace. I can hear a particularly “woo” word and know exactly what it means in an instant. And yet it is the question I get the most often. What do I do during the (insert moon or eclipse energy); Which crystal is best for (insert emotion or manifestation)?

The modern hippie muse inside of me wants to officially welcome you to the woo.

This series will be a modern hippies take on the intention of ritual, manifestation, the meanings of the moon, crystal insight and much more. As we begin, please know your questions are always welcome in the comments below or on my social media pages.

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 One of my favorite topics is manifesting!

I love the idea and intention that we can get whatever it is we put our minds into. Wherever attention goes, energy flows and I have been following this mentality for years. You put in the effort and the universe delivers the rest.

The biggest flaw within this program however, is the idea that sometimes the universe delivers EXACTLY what you ask for. Sounds amazing, but sometimes – the universe hears your exact words, not your deepest, inner desires and workings.

About a decade ago I was on a 10 day vacation in the Caribbean on a Yacht with some friends. Sounds super fancy, but I promise you I was living moment to moment and even had to ask my mom for a little extra cash as the people at the airport charged me $300 when they messed up my ticket on the way there – and that happened to be the cash I was going to use on my trip. Fancy.

Anyway, we went on a few scuba diving adventures and explored beaches and the locale in the name of fun. I was on this adventure with 5 people I had only met once in my life and my friend Sean Blum who invited me to tag along as he knew I was a fellow diver. They were amazing and wonderful people – and although I had not much in common with them, we all rose to the occasion of stepping out of our comfort zones and I had one of the best vacations of my life.

At the end of this week, I needed some space to myself (and I wasn’t rolling in the riches) so I decided to skip out on the final dive. I tagged along in the life raft as they dove under the ocean and I watched the sunset in the islands.

There is nothing more beautiful and lonely then watching the sunset alone on a life raft in the middle of the Caribbean. It was one of the most AWE-inspiring scenes I’ve ever had the privilege of witnessing and I will forever be grateful for that moment. I looked out into the horizon and I started praying – and when I pray, I simply talk to God. I explained to him that I was about to graduate from college and still wasn’t entirely sure what my life plan was going to entail. I’m a planner and the kind of girl who tics off the checklist of a syllabus when it arrives at my desk in order to figure out how to beat the clock and get it all done as early as possible. I plan out every detail and I needed God to know I was ready and attentive, awaiting his syllabus for my life.

I said “please guide me to find my life purpose, show me what I need to see in order to choose the right path.”

Fast forward to May of this year. My mother sent me to Cape Cod for a four day trip alone to my favorite place in the world. I spent those days blissfully napping, in the yoga studio with my best friends, cuddled on my cousins couch and walking as many beaches as I could find between Eastham and Falmouth. I was in my glory.

At one point, I looked out into the ocean and I began to talk. I looked right at the horizon and said “thank you, so much for showing me the way…. thank you for helping me to marry an alcoholic and creating this path for me to create Yoga for Families of Addiction…thank you, thank you, thank you…. as I walk into this new path, I want to request perhaps…. can we make the next part easy?”

In the last decade I had received EXACTLY what I asked for: a path to finding my true purpose.

When we manifest, we need to be specific in our requests. Always.

How to Manifest

My favorite manifesting ritual is quite simple. I find my favorite crystals and place them in a small circle. Generally I have one pointing in each direction (north, south, east west) and a larger, clear quartz or candle in the center. I then take a few moments to clear the energy. Personally I use reiki, breath work and palo santo. Many people I know use sage, essential oils and other alternative healing modalities. When my energy is clear, I write down what it is I would like to manifest in the present tense as though it is already happening. I take a moment to sit with my intention and then I burn my wish. I like to scatter the ashes into the garden or around the trees near the Shala as I offer my wishes back to the universe.

Manifesting can be as simple as asking for what you want. Bravely emailing the editor of a widely known  online publication if they are hiring any writers (and then sending a wish alongside it in your heart), asking a friend if they have a crystal they know of that would be good for love (and sending a wish alongside it that it will be gifted to you instead of you having to purchase it) or saying to yourself, I really wish someone would buy me a cup of coffee today so I don’t have to stop before I teach my next private. And then you watch as the action you took and the intention you created, combined to create what it is you wanted to manifest.

Writing our manifestations takes some time to refine. It’s taken me years of working alongside Lululemon (as first an educator and then their local ambassador), reading spiritual scripts, subscribing to OMazingly beautiful newsletters and following fellow woo friends on their journey in owning female driven, spiritual businesses. It will take you a while to become comfortable with manifesting and the wording of it all, but I promise that if you follow these three simple rules, you can’t go too far off.

  • Keep it in the present moment. That is to say, write your goals and intentions as if they are happening. I HAVE a $10,000 month vs. I will have or want a $10,000 month in my business. It helps the universe to know you’re already living with the mindset that you are sure this will happen.
  • Give yourself a time limit. I have a $10,000 month in September 2018 vs. someday I want a $10,000 month. This holds us accountable as much as the universe. We need to WORK towards our goals and intentions as much as we need to say them aloud and manifest.
  • Keep it positive. I am living a healthy lifestyle in September 2018 vs. I want to no longer be stuck, sick and feeling heavy. When we say the word NO, sometimes the universe doesn’t hear that word and instead it hears “stuck and sick…got it!” Keep your thoughts geared towards where you want to be, not where you want to leave.

But wait, what crystals do I use?

Excellent question my new woo friend! You are allowed to use whatever crystals you are drawn to. Often times, the ones we find the “prettiest” are the ones we truly need. You’ll pick one up at the store, ask the nice lady behind the desk for the meaning and find out it is ‘accidentally’ the exact crystal you need. However, for those of you who need a bit more concrete of an answer, here are some popular crystal choices for manifesting.

Rose Quartz – Love
Clear Quartz – Clearing energy, letting go of the negative
Selenite – Letting go of toxicity
Citrine – Abundance
Lapis Lazuli – Communication

Okay, one more question, when is the best time to manifest?

Anytime.

Buuuuttt, if you want more specifics: the new moon. It’s when the moon is the darkest in the sky and we can no longer see her beautiful glow. This is said to be a time when the portal to the universe is wide open and our intentions can be heard the loudest.

Manifesting works at any time. BELIEVE it and you’ll receive. It could be as simple as the coffee I manifested between beginning this article at 9am and publishing now this afternoon or as complex as a life altering change that creates a new direction or path for you that you could’ve never seen coming.

My studio, Barefoot Yoga Shala, has a New Moon Circle on August 12th (this Sunday) as well as a 200 hour Teacher Training Program and a Yoga Mastermind that dives DEEP into the spiritual realm and explains the nuances of not only teaching yoga, but also what it means to walk in this world as a woo leader.

Get your manifesting on my new woo friends. Feel free to ask me any questions about being a modern hippie by commenting below and while you’re at it, tell the world what it is you’re manifesting in that same comment!

xx, namaste – Jenny