“The past ten years I have allowed myself to let the scale determine my mood, my day and my emotions. I have let it control me for far too long and I no longer need that. I want to feel sexy and strong. I want to feel great in my skin and I no longer want that to center around a certain number. I want to feel luminous after a good, sweaty yoga practice. I want to feel invigorated after a boxing lesson and I want to feel strong and challenged while trying my hand at trapeze.
It’s time I started thinking about how I FEEL in my body. It’s time to stop feeling badly because I’m one pound heavier today than I was yesterday. It’s time to fall deeply, madly in love with myself and continue to guide others on this path. It’s time I ditched my scale for a hot date with my husband!”
I wrote these words a little over a year ago on my blog. I was talking about the day I decided to quite weight watchers and instead become a healthy watcher and although I still believe in those words wholeheartedly, this is where I am now.
In the past year I have gained AND lost 20 pounds. In November of 2013 I weight around 147 lbs, I gained 13 pounds before March of 2014 and have since lost 17 pounds.
This is my current story. Our stories change from year to year and often from moment to moment. My hope with this story is that you will find some inspiration below. Do not be afraid of change, and always remember to continue loving yourself throughout the entire process.
A lot of things had happened: We moved out of our beautiful 3 bedroom ranch in the Cape and straight into the open arms and open door of my in-laws house. My husband had an amazingly new (and stressful) position and I had found myself without a solid career path. I had lost my footing and didn’t feel grounded.
I used chili beef, mutton curry and biryani to comfort my soul and re-ground me to this world. I connected through food and wrote my blogs on the couch or the kitchen table, forgetting to use movement in my daily life and instead using the library, cafes and our living room as my place of sanctuary. I lost touch with my meditation practice and couldn’t find my soul. I knew it was there, just as I knew my physical body was there (and growing at that), but I couldn’t CONNECT.
When I opened the Shala in March, everything changed. My heart was re-charged and I honestly felt as though my soul had once again arrived in my body. It was almost as though it were waiting for me to find my place of calm and sanctuary before allowing itself to drift back into its home.
In May I woke up one morning and realized I couldn’t do this journey alone. I felt defeated and ashamed walking back through the weight watchers front door. But then, the most miraculous thing happened, I could hear myself saying these beautiful words to myself as I did to you back in June of 2013:
“You are exactly where you are supposed to be, and it’s perfect.”
Just because I walked back does not make me a bad person and should NOT fill me with shame. The act of weighing in each week is my way of being a health watcher. The number on the scale no longer depresses me if I am up (.2) lbs or down (1.8) lbs. What matters is the journey itself.
I began ENJOYING food again, and appreciating each bite instead of shoveling food into my mouth. I began to reconnect to my physical body by not only teaching 20 classes a week, but by TAKING my own yoga classes and connecting to my meditation practice. I began receiving massages and getting my nails done, I let my hair down (and let it grow) thus allowing myself to relax and re-ground.
By the time the summer rolled around this year, I was not at my goal weight yet, but I FELT amazing. I felt divine and radiant and alive… and that is what mattered to me most.
There are days when I wish the scaled would say “you’re radiant” instead of “you’re down (.4)” but those are the days when I tell that to myself. I look in the mirror and say YOU ARE RADIANT, YOU ARE HEALTHY, YOU ARE LOVED.
And it works.
A journey is just that: a journey or a process. I have been proud of myself every step of the way, whether in the beginning a few months back or in the middle as I am today, I feel great.
A combination of yoga & weight watchers is what has always worked for my body and I’m proud to be as strong and radiant as I am today. I no longer feel bloated, I have tons of energy and feel healthy in all my decisions (even if I do grab that extra bit of chocolate at bedtime I know it’s okay).
I’m rooted, grounded and in-tune with my body, mind and soul.
As such, this is a PSA and a reminder to you: YOU ARE RADIANT, YOU ARE HEALTHY AND YOU ARE LOVED. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I’m so proud of you wherever you are on your journey.
In the comments below, please share your own journey either with health or weight loss. I would love to connect with you!
Get out there– do yoga & make life sparkle!