YESTERDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS
I talk about my trauma as if it’s in the past. Oftentimes it is.
The immediate threat of danger is over.
The intensity of living with an addict no longer exists.
But it rears its ugly head and grinds down on me from time to time. And when it does, it is the reminder that I am not in control. The reminder that some days are still going to be really hard, no matter how far removed I may be.
Yesterday was one of those days when I was brought to me knees. I surrendered. When you’re a victim (even if it’s not how you’d like to self describe yourself); you are subject to more court hearings, advocacy’s, police officers and probation officers than you care to know on such an intimate level. On the plus side, if I were ever to cross paths with physical or emotional danger, I know I am well supported by a {faulty} justice system that tries to do their best while also trying to uphold ancient laws put in place decades earlier.
I am safe. But sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.
Thankfully I was held and supported all day. I was checked on by friends, called repeatedly by my mama + saw my students and my son in the evening. Everyone around me was lifting my heart. In the case of my friends and family, it was calculated. In the ways of seeing the people I love (my students and my baby), all it took for me to feel joy was to walk inside and see them smiling back at me.
After my long day of rolling my shoulders back and then holding space for my incredible students, I had a chance to snuggle and talk about his day. Big smiles, puppy kisses and “mommy, I want to be Iron Man” for Halloween was all I needed to bring me back to myself. I cuddled for a few moments and got one last sleepy kiss before I dug into my own self-care.
When we have long days, it is crucial to create space for self-care.
I showered for as long as I could and then I ate a little bit of chocolate to ground me. Activating the root (muladhara) chakra when your body is in trauma or adrenal fatigue is one of the most nurturing things you can do in terms of self-care. Muladhara can be activated in a number of ways; through meditation, walks in the woods or moving meditation.
Water is cleansing and even a quick five minute shower will allow the energy of a day to wash off of you. Chocolate is one of the quickest ways to bring your energy back to the earth. Other quick, go-to examples : walk barefoot, spend time in nature, buy flowers, take a bath with epsom salts, eat beef or root vegetables or drink a hot non-caffeinated beverage.
To add a little extra healing; I covered myself in essential oils. I used Sclaressence for divine feminine energy & lavender for calming. I smothered my tattoos and all the achy parts of my body in coconut body butter. I drank more water than I thought I could consume. By activating the sacral (svadisthana) chakra, we are allowing a softening into the divine feminine energy. Anything involving water, essential oils, fluid yoga movements or self-reiki with your hands over your abdomen will allow the svadisthana chakra to activate.
I succumbed to early bed and surrender. As I drifted off to sleep, I placed my hands over my belly and my heart as I repeated the mantra “you are safe, you are loved, you are supported.” By allowing healing to come back through the strength of surrender, I was able to drift off to sleep relatively quickly.
This morning when I woke up and almost everything has lifted.
I am safe.
I am happy.
I am free.
And my God am I grateful for this life. Including these occasional reminders that bring me to my knees.
Sending you an abundance of love + light, wherever you are on your journey.
Remember : YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE SUPPORTED.
Namaste, xx
Jenny
Need a little extra lift of the spirit this week?
Join me at Cape Cod Yoga Festival as I teach “Empower Your Spirit” on Sunday, September 23rd. Or join me for our Autumn Equinox on Monday, September 24th at Barefoot Yoga Shala as we burn what no longer serves us and invite in new intentions for the season ahead!