Yesterday I went into Victoria’s Secret. Hubby was kind enough to give me a gift card for Valentine’s Day & as Apollo had recently eaten my favorite bra I could not have been more thrilled! I was given a chance to put on a little glam and find the perfect fitting item for my top half.
The problem is, yesterday hubby wanted to run into the mall and I decided to use my gift card on a self-proclaimed fat day and needed to be re-sized by a cute, petite blonde in the fitting room. I am a firm believer in walking the walk if you’re talking the talk. I need to believe in self-love, ahimsa and all things good for my body. As Gabby Bernstein says in May CauseMiracles, my body is a vessel by which I am supposed to help others. I am supposed to use my body to share my gift of voice and love and yoga. But yesterday it plain sucked.
Here I am in the dressing room, realizing the bras I previously fit into no longer fit me. I have been losing some weight, but apparently gaining in the upper area instead of losing and needed a new bra size. Put this on top of a self-proclaimed fat day where it took me 25 minutes to get ready to drive to the mall for a 10 minute errand – that blonde girl in the dressing room wasn’t looking to be too high on my list of loves.
But she was sweet. She not-so awkwardly but very awkwardly, measured me in the dressing room. Let’s be honest – if you’ve ever been measured it brings up some weird ego/self-hatred/judgment of yourself while someone has a tape measure around your ta-tas, especially if they are skinnier than you are.
BUT I took in my yogi perspective. She was helping me find the right fit, she was giving me many bras to compare size and comfort and shape etc. She was really being helpful and kind and wanted nothing more than to guide me to a better fitting piece of undergarment. I took a few deep breaths and decided to just let it be. I let my body relax and decided to concentrate on the task at hand and deal with my body image issues later.
I finally found something that fit and that I loved, as well as a comfy sweatshirt from their collection. When I got home, I put on my brand new sweatshirt and my favorite yoga pants. I light a candle and meditated for a while. I read week 3 of May Cause Miracles introduction and reminded myself that I am love. I am not just my body but also a spiritual being that can bring love to others and spread my joy and passion to the world. I am not just my bra size and the perception that media has projected on me. I am loved. I bring love. I AM love.
I need to walk the walk if I’m going to talk the talk. Some days are MUCH tougher than others. Today is a new day and I’m trying my best as always. It’s okay to slip up, to make mistakes. It’s just as in our physical yoga practice: some days are much easier to slip into mermaid pose while others it seems as though it is an impossible stretch. Keep reaching, keep trying and keep adjusting. You’ll get there as we all will, on our own time and our own path. Wherever you are right now is perfect, you’re on the right path and I cannot wait to meet you there at the end.
As always, get out there – do yoga & make life sparkle!